Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Loot Drop Blues

Prepare for the QQ.

I find it amusing (depressing) that whenever I run on Priest!Bitch, I seem to win an item. However, whenever I run on Mage!Bitch, I can't seem to win a roll to save my life. After several weeks of this, I have gotten to a point where the gear on my "alt" is superior to the gear on my "main". I find this depresses me.

I realize the law of averages: Priest needed more gear than Mage, hence I rolled on more, hence my chance of winning an item was increased. That does not, however, apply to the incredibly bad luck I have had with desired items even dropping. The spyglass trinket, for instance: after four months of running ICC10 on Mage!Bitch, I have never seen this item drop. Ever. It is to a point where I am starting to believe it doesn't drop from the lootship, rather that other mages running around with the item equipped performed unnamed sex acts with gnomes to get it. It is sad. The other mages make fun of my ghetto trinkets when we get together to trade strudel recipes.

I love Mage!Btich. I love playing her. She is my first 80 and maging is really my first love. I cut my gearing/raiding teeth with her and worked pretty hard to do it. So I find myself frustrated that I cannot seem to advance her = it is like I am stuck in a rut. I run her constantly and it seems like I can never get my hands on anything that I need to make her any better. It has gotten to the point where I have started playing with bits of her gear (downgrading in order to boost a few key stats) in the hopes of squeezing a bit more DPS out of her.

Perhaps this is another normal rite of passage that people go through with their toons.

Eureka! Now it all makes sense. Thanks for clearing that up Amber.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

NEWSFLASH: Disc Priests Don't Heal

I recently bit the bullet and decided to join a guild (More on that later). After healing a quick 10 man ICC run on the third string team today, the raid leader asks me on vent: "Do Disc priests actually heal? I mean...I thought you just put up shields".

Seriously. Just shoot me now. Every other guild on this server is desperately recruiting disc priests. And this is what I end up with? Do I actually heal. I...have no words.

A few minutes later, he was asking on vent if anyone needed a daily random for frost badges. I sweetly responded that I would offer to heal it, but seeing as Disc Priests don't heal, I couldn't imagine how I would be much use to them.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Arcane Gems For Dummies

It's a sad day when a noob like me is starting to give out advice.

My main profession on mage!bitch is jewelcrafting. So as you can imagine, I have seen it all: Hunters that want to gem for spirit, DKs that want to gem for spellpower....and no, I didn't make that shit up. Usually, I just sort of look the other way, cut the gem, take the tip and move on. But lately I have found that I really get my rage on when I see mages using bad gems, or worse, when they ask me to cut them bad gems. Maybe I don't want to see my fellow bathrobes go down the dark path. Or maybe I just don't want to see crummy mages giving us slightly-less-than-crummy mages a bad name.

Regardless of reason, I am actually going to go out on a limb and give some simple, straightforward mage gemming advice. Ya, I know this has been written about all over the internet, but judging by the number of poorly-gemmed bathrobes I see out there, it can't hurt to throw the information about there again. But before I get down into the specifics, I want to touch on one major theory issue. Gather round the monitor, because I don't want you to miss this....

ARCANE MAGES DO NOT GEM FOR MANA REGEN. No intellect, no mp5. Don't do it. Don't even think about it. Just stop...back away from the Brilliant King's Amber with your mouse in the air. Every time a mage gems for mana, someone buys a Lil KT and drops it in the middle of Dalaran. And for the love of all that is holy, stop running around with the mana shield up - it is only aggravating your problem (You have healers to protect your squishy behinds. Only use the mana shield in an "oh shit I'm gonna die" situation.). Mages, as a class, have plenty of tools for mana regen during long fights: evocation, mana sapphires and mana potions. Hence, gemming armor for mana is a waste - why in the world would you waste a gem slot when you have specific spells that will perform the same function for you?

Ya, I know. You think that if you gem for mana regeneration you will be able to DPS longer without stopping, hence MOAR DPS. Nope. If you sacrifice all of the potential spellpower you could have from proper gemming for intellect/mp5 gems, you might as well try to blow a hole through a brick wall with a BB gun. It doesn't matter how many BBs you throw at it, or how long you can throw the BBs without stopping, they are still BBs and they still won't dent that wall. If you gem for spellpower, you have effectively replaced your BB gun with a bazooka. Sure, you won't be able to go as long without stopping to reload, but if you hit the wall that hard, the wall might be gone before you have to stop and reload. In short, spellpower = MOAR DPS.

So we are on the same page now? Going to leave the intellect gems to the healers? Good. So what should you gem for? The answer is simple, as it goes back to the basic statistic stack hierarchy: Hit > Spellpower > Haste > Crit > Spirit. So following that, here is the short list of the four gems you should be using, assuming you are hit capped from your gear:

  • RED: Runed Cardinal Ruby: 23 spellpower

  • ORANGE: Reckless Ametrine: 12 spellpower + 10 haste

  • PURPLE: Purified Dreadstone: 12 spellpower + 10 spirit

  • META: Chaotic Skyflare Diamond: 21 Critical Strike + 3% Critical Damage

  • So let's discuss.

    The red stone for red slots is obvious, yes? Ok, good.

    The orange gem is to be used in any yellow slot and possibly red slots. If you have to fill one red slot and one yellow slot, and you want to stack spellpower and haste, use two of the orange rather than a red spellpower and a yellow haste. Why? Firstly, the two stacked orange gems will yield one extra spellpower point. Secondly, the orange gems are cheaper than the primary color gems.

    The purple gem is to be used in two blue slotst - you only need two in order to fulfill the meta gem requirement. The purified dreadstone is sort of like the lesser of all evils: there really isn't any other purple or blue gem that is worth a crap for arcane mages - this one at least gives you spellpower. Regarding the scrap of spirit on this gem, I know what you are thinking: "Mage!Bitch.....your stat hierarchy says gem for spirit last! You just yelled at me for gemming for mana regen and spirit is mana regen! WAAAAH!". Ya, I know, but due to Molten Armor, spirit is considered a DPS boost, not a mana regen stat (and.......you are using Molten Armor, yes?).

    So what about socket bonuses? Firstly, make sure you have your meta gem requirements filled. After that? I generally look at what the socket bonus gives me: if it is a +7 spellpower or above, I will generally gem for the bonus. If it is below that, I will just gem whatever I want, which is usually straight spellpower (bazooka = good) or a combo of spellpower and haste (fast bazooka = even better).

    So that's about the jist of it, my fellow bathrobes. Go forth and blast the hell out of ICC. May the bazookas be with you.

    Saturday, June 19, 2010

    I Am A Racist

    A WoW racist, that is. For various reasons, the majority of races available for play in WoW seriously drive me nuts.

    Let's consider the horde toons. Or let's not. I don't roll horde. Firstly, I am really not interested in being poor again. Secondly, since I have never rolled horde, I have no knowledge of their cities or quests. Call me lazy, but I am not interested in re-learning the game at this point. Thirdly, there is no way I am going to look at that amount of ugly for 80+ levels.

    Ya, I know the Blood Elf girls are "pretty". They also look like bitchy malnourished teenagers. And don't even get me started on the Blood Elf males. Even if I did play guy characters, I don't think I am prepared to deal with that amount of fabulous on a long term basis.

    So let's talk humans. Firstly, the the high-level armor looks ridiculous on human toons. Like "help! I am being eaten by my shoulder pads!". I hate the sighing female animation (see bitchy teenager comment above), and I hate that they are so...pink. Once more, no one that has seriously studied the male humans can tell me that their casting animations don't look like self-pleasure...amirite?

    Gnomes. Do I even have to go there? Gnomes are not a race to be played, they are a species to be used as golf balls. Yes, I am one of those horrible people that have the GnomePunter add-on installed. Sadly, I am too much of a wuss to actually use it often because I don't want to hurt people's feelings. The only thing that gnomes have going for them is the female Princess Leia hairdo (double-danish FTW!), but that is not even enough to make me want to deal with that stupid on a long-term basis. Just say Gno, folks.

    Dwarves. Small, hairy, bearded. And don't even get me started on the males. I was in Ironforge the other day and was confronted by a group of dwarves all dancing around in their underwear. Did you know that dwarf chicks wear granny panties? Ya, brain bleach please.

    Night Elves. My first toon was a NElf - that toon now sits around Ironforge, covered in cobwebs, minding my private guild bank. Perhaps I am biased because I look back on my play days with her and shudder (the hunter effect?), but I have really grown to hate Night Elves : I hate their rainbow brite hair colors, the big pink ears, and the bouncy boobie animations (ya, tell me a man didn't design that). I think my hate of Night Elves has also been fed via the random dungeon tool due to the stereotypical Male NElf hunter that acts like an idiot (melee hunter is bad, mkay?). The only thing that Night Elves have going for them is the fact that they can be Druids. Which means they can assume tree form. Which means they can cry for me while in tree form. And that seriously makes me collapse into a fit of giggles every time I see it. So I guess I should amend my earlier statement: I hate NElves, but I freaking love Trees.

    Draenei = spacegoats ho! I would hesitantly say that male Draenei are somewhat interesting in design, however, I can't confirm because I can't see anything past the shoulders. Every time I see one I think of that old Saturday Night Live skit: "We're going to pump *clap* you up!". And what about those big huge tails? Does this seem like these toons are over-compensating for something? And if that is not enough to make you cringe, just ask a random Draenei male hanging around Dalaran to dance for you.

    So that leaves Draenei females, which is the only race I roll anymore. Sure, they have a serious ghetto/lemon booty and their voices are a bit strange. But other than that, Draenei chicks have it made: they have big boobs, built-in high heels, and cute hairdos. What more could a girl ask for?

    Friday, June 18, 2010


    You know those rare times in life when you actually shock yourself?

    Happened to me last night. I successfully solo healed an OS 3d zerg.

    Yeah, yeah, I know: no big deal right? We are all over-geared to hell for that raid anyway so there is obviously a problem if folks CAN'T get the zerg done. I've done the zerg thang on Mage!Btich several times without bothering to put down my coffee cup.

    But never in my wildest dreams did I think I would EVER be able to solo heal that sucker. Ever.

    Call me pessimistic. Ok, call me less than optimistic. Call me unconfident. Jesus, I heal 25man ICC raids, so you'd think that this zerg thing wouldn't be such a big deal. I guess in my mind, that was like a healing right of passage...like only the seriously beast healers could solo heal that sucker. I am probably wrong, and those beast healers are probably out there laughing at my extreme state of golly-gee-look-mom-I-did-it! But whatever. For now, I am simply going to enjoy my victory...and my spiffy new title. rawr!